


White Light

by SLq



Category: Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-15 04:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLq/pseuds/SLq
Summary: Subaru becomes the Sakurazukamori and decides to take back what belongs to him. Namely, his life in Tokyo Babylon.





	1. Zero

She had promised. Ten years ago, huddled under the covers with mother's picture pressed between them,  Hokuto had held his hand and sworn she'd never leave him. That she would be strong for him. That she wouldn't cry, so he could.

Subaru holds her hand now. Her cold hand.

"Liar."

He doesn't cry.

 

* * *

 

“Hokuto-chan’s spell.”

Wet coughs, then a heavy head falls against Subaru's shoulder. Subaru stares into the ruins ahead, eyes wide and blank and equally unseeing. There is blood on his cheek. Seishirou's blood. Under his nails. Seishirou's blood. Up his wrists and dripping down his elbows - Seishirou's blood,Seishirou's blood, _Seishirou's blood—_

“She did not want you to die, Subaru-kun.”

Seishirou's lips press against Subaru’s ear with every word. One of them is shaking. Subaru clutches Seishirou with bloodied hands. One of them is shaking, and the other one-

“I love you,” Seishirou tells him.

The other one is falling.

Subaru clenches his eyes shut. A whimper slips through his lips, then a cry and another and another. His face is wet, like it hasn't been for years. Like it wasn't for Hokuto. Subaru beats at the broken pavement. His skin tears. His blood spills and mixes with that of the Sakurazukamori.

“Subaru, stop, no Subaru, don’t hurt—help me, Arashi, hold him!”

They do. Subaru kicks and screams and reaches for Seishirou’s body, the corpse, the bastard, the absolutely rotten _fuck_ that left him here, left him alive when all he had wanted-

_-all he had wanted-_

But when had the Sakurazukamori cared for wishes aside his own?

 

* * *

 

Subaru watches Tokyo wake with blank eyes. His hands are in his lap. Both are bandaged up to the forearms, the gauze thick over his split knuckles. Subaru clenches his fingers into fists every so often, reopening the wounds. He doesn't feel the pain. The phantom warmth of Kamui's tears is more real. They had soaked through the bandage where the boy had pressed his lips in parting. Subaru doesn't remember when that had been.

The lights are off. The bedroom is colored in soft gray, lit by streetlamps and restaurant signs. Night is steadily bleeding into morning. Traffic builds far below the darkened apartment, choking the streets. The world spins on. Subaru hasn't felt a part of it for a long time.

Knocking. Subaru blinks. His eyes are dry. His body moves stiffly when he stands, an awkward shuffle of limbs.

The knocking repeats. Subaru reaches the door. He hadn't bothered to lock it after Kamui.

The men on the other side don't know that.

Subaru presses his right hand against the door, palm flat. A circle of white light sears the wood. Outside, someone grunts in pain.

The door shatters inward. Subaru steps aside, avoiding the spill of magic and debris. He catches the second man by the throat. The intruder is larger than Subaru, both in height and breadth. The air is cold with magic. Subaru taps his free hand over the man's sternum. The man blurs backward. A loud crunching sound echoes in the apartment, then silence.

Subaru approaches slowly. He stops a few steps from the intruder's crumpled body. The man's eyes are open wide, his head tipped up and crusted red where it had struck the bedroom wall.

He is dead.

Subaru's knees buckle. He falls hard. Pain lances up his arms when his injured hands crack against the floor. Subaru doesn't notice. His vision has narrowed to the man's crushed neck. He reaches forward with a trembling hand.

A storm of white petals blooms in the dark. They dye pink where they touch the corpse. When they disappear, so does the man's body.

Subaru's breath rattles out in a sob. He staggers to his feet. His legs won't hold him, so he grasps at the walls to pull himself forward. He reaches the front door in time to see the second body. Another man, smaller and younger than his accomplice. His stomach is torn open. Intestines branch out under him, like fleshy roots. 

The sakura descends again. Subaru closes his eyes. Leaves rustle in his ears, carrying the feeling of peace and immense satisfaction.

Subaru dry-heaves. It is a while before he can move, and even then he shakes terribly. Every bit of him hurts. Subaru takes a deep breath and leaves the apartment. The pain is gone before he makes it to the next floor's landing. Subaru stops walking. He unwraps his left hand. The bandages are bloody, but the skin under them is whole and unmarked. Subaru examines it blankly.

He punches the nearest wall. The cement cracks. His knuckles split and bleed again.

The wound has healed by the time Subaru leaves the building. He drops the dirty bandages in a trashcan and stuffs his hands in his pockets. He'd forgotten his coat. People rush by, bundled in coats and scarves and hats. Gloved hands swipe through the station gate. Subaru's are naked. He doesn't feel the cold.

The train is packed. Attendants push people in so the doors can close. Subaru is pressed between a wall and a group of college students. They look around Subaru's age, and speak of things Subaru had forgotten people think important. Grades, jobs. Dates. Subaru wonders what life is like for them. He digs his nails into his palms until they bleed.  

The train empties at Shibuya. Subaru makes his way to the JR Shinkansen platform, head up and eyes straight ahead. People rush around him. The crowd parts where he goes, people moving out of the way without conscious thought. Subaru remembers he doesn't have his wallet only when he is in front of the ticket machine. He pats his pockets absentmindedly. There's nothing but his blood in there. He hadn't swiped through at the station, Subaru realizes. No one had stopped him.

Subaru boards the train. The attendant shows him to a seat and bids him a nice trip. She doesn't ask for a ticket. Subaru doesn't feel as guilty as he should. The thought worries him only a little. He sits by a window. Tokyo blurs by outside, tall buildings soon replaced by rice fields and forests as the bullet train spears its way south.

It takes three hours to reach Kyoto. An hour in, a woman in a white kimono sits in the empty seat next to him. The cabin darkens around them, reality smothered by an illusion. Subaru watches the woman's reflection in the glass. She is older than him. Her features are thin and gray, as if hidden behind a veil.

"Do you think you will succeed, where the head of your clan failed?" Subaru asks.

"One man cannot be both life and death."

"I did not choose this."

The woman looks at him. Subaru holds her eyes for far longer than he had any other person's, save one.

"Tell me, Sumeragi-dono. What will you do once you reach your family estate in Kyoto?"

Subaru is silent. The woman nods in acknowledgement.

"There is always choice, Sumeragi-dono. You have chosen this."

Subaru catches the woman's hand a breath from his chest. The ofuda gripped between her fingers burns black around an inverted pentagram. Subaru grips her thin wrist and tries to calm his breathing.

"Don't. I am not fully in control."

The woman watches him, coldly assessing. "The Sumeragi and Sakurazuka were once a single clan. There is a reason they separated."

Subaru stills. The woman uses his momentary surprise to her advantage. Magic chills the air. Subaru tastes blood.

It isn't his own.

The woman's eyes are surprised. She coughs; red gushes out of her mouth to stain her kimono, painting red camellias into the white fabric. The train sways. The woman's body falls fully atop Subaru's, limp. Subaru holds her gently. Half a dozen ofuda float around them, neither black nor white, the symbols etched in them not quite stars. They disintegrate with the woman's body. Subaru feels the sting of magic over his lips and hands as the sakura chews at its sacrifice. He spends the remainder of the trip on the floor, head bent between his knees.

 

* * *

 

Subaru takes a taxi from the station. The driver is an old man with a face stuck in an expression of polite detachment. Subaru sits in the front. He guides the man through Kyoto's crowded heart and out, into the city's suburbs. The man follows his instructions without question or attempts at conversation. Subaru knows the man's obedience is his doing. The hum of magic, usually a low echo under his skin, beats like a war drum in Subaru's ears. He doesn't know how to stop it. Doesn't know if he wants to.

The taxi stops about a kilometer away from the estate. Subaru walks the remaining distance. Protective wards surround the property. Subaru avoids the ones he can and mutes those he cannot. He doesn't mask his presence further and approaches from the main gate once the house comes into view.

A young girl opens the door for him. Subaru hasn't seen her before. He has been away for a long time. The girl bows deeply, her words of welcome flustered.

"Young master, if you would allow me to announce you-"

"I will announce myself," Subaru interrupts. His skin itches. His hands clench and unclench, nails bloody and hidden in his pockets.

The girl's head bobs. "Understood. This way, please."

Subaru follows the girl inside. Crossing the threshold feels like wading through a muddy river. He had never felt the barrier before; its presence is almost physical. Dark things snap at his heels, undecided about whether they want to bite or welcome him among them. Subaru has to put effort into every step.  

"Young master, Lady Sumeragi is in the garden."

The girl has paused at the mouth of a long hallway. It splits into two beyond her; one end leads to the outside complex. Subaru makes his way down the other.

"I will visit her shortly."

The girl's bewildered protests fade away. Subaru walks quickly. He takes several turns into increasingly narrow corridors until he reaches a dead end. Shoji screens throw latticed shadows over the wooden floor. They are closed. There are no rooms behind them, despite the light and shapes that flicker behind the paper.

Subaru doesn't allow himself time to think. He kneels and reaches forward. The shadows tremble as his hands pass through them. Subaru presses his fingers at their center and parts them open. The shoji screens that make up the wall remain as they are.

The floor splits apart.

Subaru exhales. He hadn't been certain the room would open for him. Subaru stands. He steps forward, tipping into gaping darkness. The world tilts. Gravity shifts and realigns and suddenly, Subaru is walking along a lacquered floor. The door he had come through slips shut behind him.

Light blooms in paper lanterns, illuminating a large space bare save for the shelves lining its walls. Each is burdened by rows of scrolls, books, wooden blocks etched with symbols beyond human understanding. Subaru's eyes pass over them. He raises his right hand. A scroll nudges its way from the bottom of a locked trunk. It flies across the room. The parchment unrolls once it reaches Subaru, weaving around him in the air. Subaru studies the kanji running down paper made brown from age. He has seen this scroll only once before. He hadn't been able to read it. It is perfectly legible now. Terribly simple.

Subaru bites his thumb until it bleeds. He kneels. His blood makes a dark streak across the floor, the first of many.

The shadow shoji opens twenty-three minutes later. All of Subaru's fingers are bloody. The floor under him is painted red in sweeping swirls and sharp lines. Power thrums within them. Lady Sumeragi's sharp inhale joins the urgent rustling in Subaru's ears. Subaru lifts his head with some effort. His grandmother's horrified face blurs in and out of sight.

"Subaru-san."

"I am sorry, grandmother. I let the Sakurazukamori in."

There is a short pause. Lady Sumeragi's voice is low and rough when she speaks again.

"Subaru-san, you were not at fault. Not then, not now. Come back to us. Leave the spell unfinished."

Subaru's head drops against his chest. His hands are still moving, guided by a power that belongs neither to the Sumeragi nor the Sakurazuka. By desire that is purely Subaru's own. "I could never leave well alone, could I? If I had - if I had only let him go-" Subaru shakes his head. The room swims. His blood is warm under him. His body is cold.

"Subaru-san, stop. You must stop, or I will have to stop you."

Subaru laughs, quiet and thin. "You cannot. No one can."

The floor rumbles. Subaru clenches his hand, trapping the last drop of blood needed to complete the circle. Sakura petals dust his hair. Lady Sumeragi is crying softly. Subaru doesn't have strength left to look.

"The spell will consume you."

Subaru stares at the bloody floor. He sees a girl's smiling face, a man's cold eyes.

"It can have me."

Subaru opens his hand. A single drop of red drips down his palm. Lady Sumeragi's scream and the Sakura's angry groan melt into a high-pitched wail.

Subaru pitches forward. Blood surges up from the floor and swallows him completely, drowning his world in red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words:  
> -dono: "master/lord"  
> Shibuya: ward in Tokyo. Shibuya Station is extremely busy during the morning rush hour, as Shibuya is one of Tokyo's business districts.  
> Shinkansen: the bullet train. There are several lines running between Tokyo and other major destinations. The fastest way between Tokyo and Kyoto via the bullet train is about 3.1 hours.  
> ofuda: paper spell, used by Onmyoji once upon a time and still in use by Shinto priests.
> 
> I low-key ship Subaru/Kamui.


	2. Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seishirou is a crazy bastard. Subaru's learning to manipulate *proud tears*

“Subaru.”

White drenches him the moment he opens his eyes. It hurts; the light is too bright, the air heavy with the stink of acid and death.

Subaru looks down at himself. A baby-blue blanket covers his torso. Thin tubes curl over the side of the bed, going up an IV stand and into beeping machines. Subaru bends his right arm and feels the bite of a needle at its crook. His muscles tremble with the exertion. He lets his arm drop again and rolls his head. The room reflects flatly in his one good eye. It looks like a hospital. There is something familiar about his surroundings, something specific to the location and not the type of establishment.

 “Subaru, please!”

Subaru starts. His head snaps to the right. There is a bed next to his, hidden behind a thick curtain. Subaru knows the voice that had called out his name. The soft beeping of the heart monitor picks up. Subaru's chest hurts. He strains to hear more, terrified that he had imagined the soft words. It wouldn't be the first time.

Someone is crying. Heavy footsteps smother the sound. A man walks into the open area in front of the beds, and Subaru stops breathing. Thick glasses, soft-blue suit, brown eyes. Kami-sama, two brown eyes.

"Sakurazukamori."

The word comes out as a garbled whine. Subaru is falling before he realizes he has moved. His legs are too weak. His entire body feels stretched out and thin. Subaru grits his teeth. He drags himself forward on his hands and knees. His bones grind painfully against the hard floor. Blood slicks his arm where the IV had torn free, coloring the white tiles under him red. The Sakurazukamori watches him advance. His face is wreathed in shadows.

Someone moves between Subaru and his prey. Subaru struggles against the arms that cage him, but there is no give. He is hauled back and forced down on the bed. A red-faced doctor shouts something from much too close. Subaru cranes his neck to see over the man's shoulder.  The Sakurazukamori has turned his attention back toward the screened-off bed. He steps behind the curtain and out of sight.

"Sei-chan! Subaru-kun, he - oh, Sei-chan, _Subaru—_ "

"I know."

If there is more, it is lost to the rushing in Subaru's ears.

 

* * *

 

When Subaru wakes again, he is in a smaller room and he is alone.

Subaru shifts, testing. He isn't surprised to find his arms strapped down. There is enough give to let him reach the call button at the side of the bed. He presses it and settles in to wait. The pain that had weighted his limbs is gone. His mind is pleasantly blank.

The door opens an indeterminate time later. Footsteps approach the bed. Two sets, one heavier than the other. Subaru turns toward the sound. The nurse's gait stutters. The doctor moves to the side of the bed, expression bland.

"Good afternoon. My name is Takahashi. I am your doctor. This is nurse Saito."

Subaru murmurs the appropriate greeting. His voice is rough, throat dry. "I apologize for..." Subaru trails off.

The doctor picks up a clipboard hanging at the foot of Subaru's bed. He leafs through it as he speaks. "Disorientation and aggression are common, especially after traumatic events. Saito-san, if you'd please."

Subaru holds still while the nurse frees him from the restrains. The woman steps away as soon as she is done, eyes wary. Subaru sits up. The doctor watches him expectantly. Subaru doesn't know his part of the script. He hunches his shoulders and bows his head. Cowed obedience fits most people's wants, if not most situations.

"I will check your breathing. If you would please lean forward."

Subaru does. He inhales and exhales as instructed.

"No pain?"

"No."

"Nowhere?"

Subaru hesitates before shaking his head. He isn't in pain. Judging by the doctor's puzzled expression, he should be.

"What is the last thing you remember, Mr -" The doctor glances at the clipboard. "Ah, it seems some information is missing from your file. Unless you are a Mr. Yamada Taro?*"

Subaru forces a smile. The doctor is waiting for a name. Subaru isn't certain he has one to give.

"I - I'm sorry. Yesterday is a little..."

The doctor frowns. "You don't remember?"

"Not...entirely."

The doctor doesn't say anything. The nurse hands Subaru a glass of water. Subaru sips at it. His fingers drum over the covers, affecting anxiety. He is calm inside.

"Could I - I would like to go home."

Doctor and nurse share a look.

"You must be released in someone's custody."

"I am an adult."

"Hospital policy," the doctor says shortly.

Subaru nods in acceptance. "If I may have a moment alone?"

"Of course."

The doctor leaves. The nurse collects the empty water glass from the bedside table and follows suit.

Subaru pushes the covers off as soon as the door clicks shut. He crosses the room. The door is locked; a spark of magic has the knob turning in Subaru's hand. He glances up and down the hallway. His eyes catch on the clipboard sitting in a metal pocket mounted at the side of the door. Subaru grabs it and scans the first few pages. He had been admitted thirteen hours ago and treated for head trauma and water in the lungs. The injuries are denoted as self-inflicted.

Voices and footsteps echo close. Subaru puts the clipboard back. There is a staircase at the end of the hallway. He takes it three floors down, all the way to the basement. There are no patient rooms on this level. Subaru makes a brief detour into a locker room he finds in passing and avails himself of someone's spare clothing. Simple shirt and jeans, both too large for Subaru's lean frame. The hospital gown goes in the trash.

Subaru leaves through a side door marked as "Staff Only." It opens to a bicycle parking lot. A busy street runs beyond. Subaru crosses it quickly. He doesn't slow his pace until he is several blocks away, safely anonymous in the afternoon crowd. The buzz of adrenaline leaves his blood. His mind, no longer focused on escape, turns on itself and digs into older wounds. Subaru tries to pay attention to his surroundings, mostly to distract himself from his thoughts. His heartbeat speeds up. A red tower spears heavenward half a city away.

He is in Tokyo.

Subaru stops walking. His memories of the past day are hazy, overlain by exhaustion born out of magical drain. The sight of familiar streets and buildings is as grounding as it is jarring. Subaru clenches is hands into fists to stop their shaking. The spell had worked. The man he had seen, the voice he had heard, they were really-

"Are you alright?"

Subaru exhales sharply. A man has come to stand by him. Subaru looks at him briefly. His eyes widen with surprise before he forces them down, on his feet.

"My name's Kawano. I'm a detective with the Tokyo Police Department. Want to see a badge?"

Subaru shakes his head. He knows exactly who this man is.

"Look, kid, if you're in some sort of trouble-"

The detective cuts off with a grunt. The pager at his belt is beeping. Subaru watches him check it. The man's expression blanks briefly. His mouth presses into a thin line.

"Gotta take this. Here. In case you feel like talking later."

Subaru accepts the business card the detective thrusts under his nose with both hands. The man is already on his way to a nearby phone booth. Subaru watches him go. He had been sixteen the last time he had seen Detective Kawano.

The detective had been hanging by the throat on a noose made of blood and magic.

Subaru ducks in an alley. His hands are shaking. He clenches them into fists and keeps walking.

It is growing dark. Restaurants are opening their doors, light and voices spilling into the open air from every direction. The crowds grow thicker. He must have made his way into a downtown area. Subaru glances around, trying to determine where he had ended up. His eyes catch on a gleaming mass of shadows. The Mitsui building.*

Seishirou-san's clinic was - _is_ \- in Shinjuku.

The shaking spreads from Subaru's hands to his whole body, the epicenter deep in his chest. Subaru changes course. He has already met the Sakurazukamori, if his memories of the day prior are to be trusted. Subaru doesn't fear that part of Seishirou. The gentle guise the man had worn as a second skin is more dangerous by far.

The streets quiet. Residential buildings and family-owned restaurants become more numerous, the night darker with the absence of gleaming storefronts. Subaru walks with purpose. He knows where he will end up long before he sees the sign for Sakurazuka-sensei's clinic. Subaru hesitates in front of the door. He rings the bell before he can talk himself into leaving.

There is no answer. Subaru frowns. The clinic is dark, a fact Subaru had failed to notice in his anxious fretting. It must be after office hours. Subaru stares at the door, at a loss.

Something cold slips down the back of his neck. Subaru tips his head up. A raindrop hits his upper lip. Another finds his cheek, his forehead, the tip of his nose. Subaru steps under the small awning above the clinic's door. He sits on the doorstep and watches the rain come down. Tokyo smudges, bleeding shadows. Subaru closes his eyes.

The sky is made of white plaster when he opens them again.

Subaru sits up. He takes in the familiar surroundings. The desk, the metal examination table, the off-green sofa. Everything exactly as he remembers. His heart beats loud in his ears. His hands clench over the blanket that had covered them, turning white with strain.

"Good morning."

Subaru flinches. Seishirou Sakurazuka pauses in the cabinet's doorway. His warm smile doesn't waver.

"Would you care for tea?"

Subaru can't speak. His eyes bounce between the tray in Seishirou's hands and the man's face. Seishirou doesn't wait for a response. He sets the tray on the examination table and slides one of the two cups on it toward Subaru. His movements are slow and exaggerated. Subaru realizes he is being treated like a skittish stray. The resulting irritation allows him to find his voice.

"Thank you." The words carry a biting undertone.  

Seishirou nods amiably. He is yet to take a seat, looming over Subaru even with the table between them. Sixteen-year-old Subaru would have hunched his shoulders and bowed his head. Easy to cow. Eager to submit.

Subaru lifts his eyes to the Sakurazukamori's. Dark brown eyes hold his in turn.

Seishirou chuckles, breaking the tense silence. He pulls the rolling chair from behind the desk and sits.

"We have met before, have we not?"

Subaru nods. Seishirou lets out a considering hum and sips at his tea. Subaru studies his own cup. The porcelain is pale pink. The cup's rim and the edge of the saucer under it are painted gold. A shade shy of gaudy.

"It was a present from a friend."

Subaru looks up. Seishirou's smile has thinned, the effort behind it more obvious. "The tea set," he clarifies.

"It's...nice."

"I will be sure to pass on the compliment. Mr...?"

"...Shin.*"

"Shin-san. My name is Seishirou Sakurazuka. It appears you have business with me. I would like to know what it is."

"I don't understand."

Seishirou doesn't look impressed. "You have approached me twice in the span of a single day. There must be a reason."

"Coincidence."

The air in the room grows heavy. Magic crackles around the man, potent enough to taste. "I do not believe in coincidences, Shin-san."

Subaru licks his lips. "You remind me of someone," he hears himself say.

"Then perhaps you should have sought out that person's doorstep instead of mine."

"He's dead."

The malicious energy disappears. Seishirou studies Subaru. His glasses glint with the overhead light, hiding his eyes.

Seishirou stands. "There is an apartment above the clinic. You may have it."

"What?" Subaru can't keep the startled stutter out of his voice.

"You need a place to stay, do you not?"

Subaru opens his mouth. Closes it. He nods. 

"You are welcome to remain here for the time being. Shin-san."

Subaru does need a place to stay. More than that, he needs to remain as close to the Sakurazukamori as possible. He doesn't for one second believe Seishirou has no ulterior motives in offering him shelter. The strings attached to this gift may well strangle Subaru in the end. Even so, he can't afford to refuse.

"I will leave myself in your care, then.*"

Subaru bows as low as the table allows. Seishirou is a lot closer when he straightens. Subaru stills, breath catching in a sharp inhale.  

"If I may."

Seishirou offers his right hand, palm up. Subaru eyes it warily.

"My hand?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Seishirou says nothing. His hand remains as it is, expectant. Subaru reaches forward. A flash of white catches his eyes; he is still wearing the hospital bracelet. Seishirou's fingers close around his wrist before Subaru can withdraw his hand. The bracelet tears with a soft rasp.

"Now that you don't have a collar, I can take you in properly."

Seishirou places the bracelet's remains on the table. Subaru looks from the man's sunny smile to the mangled plastic band.

"If you keep treating me like a dog, I might just bite you."

Seishirou's eyes narrow behind his glasses. Subaru gives him a smile, and turns back to his tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words and places:
> 
> Kami (-sama) - general name for god(s) in Shinto. Used the same way "(oh my) God" is used in English  
> Yamada Taro - this is the Japanese equivalent of John Doe; a name entered in official forms when the name of a patient/victim/etc. is unknown (the female version is Yamada Hanako)  
> the Mitsui building - a tall skyscraper in Nishi-Shinjuku. Landmark in the district, being among the first skyscrapers built in the area  
> Shin - Subaru's chosen name can have a number of meanings, depending on the kanji used to write it. The two most relevant are 心 (heart) and 信 (faith). There is one more meaning that will be very important later on :)  
> "Leave myself in your care" - a more direct translation of this phrase would be, "please, take care of me." It's often used when someone is entrusted, in whatever way, in someone else's care. For example, a new employee assigned to shadow an older one. Incidentally, also used by new brides who have just moved into their husband's house ;)
> 
> Who remembers Detective Kawano?


	3. Uroboros

Subaru is sitting on a bed in an apartment that belongs to Seishirou Sakurazuka.

He has been trying to wrap his mind around that for the past few minutes. Reality still carries the surreal softness of a dream, but Subaru has never had a dream quite like this one.

The apartment is spacious by Tokyo standards. One bedroom, separate kitchen, a bathroom with a tub. Subaru had been attentive during the short tour. Seishirou played the kind host perfectly. Subaru had caught himself staring several times, distracted by the man's gentle smile. He wonders if it had always been that transparent.

Subaru covers his face with his hands and sighs. Seishirou had left with a promise of breakfast, which hadn't registered as odd at the time but certainly has Subaru anxious now. Seishirou is disquietingly accepting of _Shin's_ sudden and invasive presence. No, not accepting - that is much too passive a term, and Seishirou has never been one to watch from the sidelines. The man is actively inviting _Shin's_ trust and dependence, in a terribly familiar manner.

Subaru stands and crosses the room. The bathroom's lights flicker on, going from dim to sterile brightness between blinks. Subaru stares at himself in the oval-shaped mirror hung over the sink. He doesn't know what he had been expecting. The sight of his own face - the scarred, twenty-five year old one that looks too much and not enough like Seishirou-san - is still a relief.

Subaru exits the bathroom. He sits back on the bed and resumes his contemplation of the wall.

Seishirou doesn't recognize him. The man looks at Subaru and sees _Shin_ , and that is - good. Subaru's hands clench. His unmarked hands, hands that now belong to the Sakurazuka as much as to the Sumeragi.

Subaru's breath stutters. He closes his eyes and focuses inward, knowing what he will find. The Sakura had set its roots deep, impossible to unearth without tearing out its host's soul as well. The power it fed into Subaru's veins had been heady.

It is all gone now. Not a whisper, not a shadow of the Sakura remains.

Subaru is hollow inside.

There is a knock on the door. Subaru jolts upright. He takes a moment to calm his breathing before rising to answer.

Seishirou is already smiling when the door opens. He has a doctor's coat on over his suit. Subaru grips the doorframe. Magic sings under his skin, crackling like electricity.

"Would you like to join me for breakfast?"

Seishirou's eyes are sharp. Subaru meets them briefly. His gaze falls on the man's lips by habit.

"Thank you, but I am not-"

Subaru's stomach growls, loud and mournful. Subaru flushes. Seishirou's eyes curve with his pleased grin.

They eat in Seishirou's office. Breakfast is a choice between croissants and onigiri, courtesy of a nearby convenience store. Seishirou reads a newspaper while they eat. Subaru watches him from under his lashes. He doesn't taste much of what he puts in his mouth.

The sight of Seishirou at twenty-five is...distracting.

Subaru sneaks another peek. His memories of Sakurazuka-sensei don't quite match the man sitting across from him. It is only natural, given that they belong to someone Subaru no longer is. Subaru studies Seishirou's face without knowing what he is seeking. He can't seem to make himself stop.

Dark brown eyes meet Subaru's. Subaru drops his gaze by habit. He hears Seishirou set the newspaper aside.

"Is there something you wish to say?" Seishirou asks.

Subaru bites back an apology. "Do you do this often?" he counters.

"I assume you are referring to your presence here, and not the act of eating breakfast. No." Seishirou's smile is sharp. "You are my first. Shin-san."

Seishirou says his name like it is a secret shared between them. The suspicion is not misplaced; the man's arrogance still grates. Subaru eats his croissant and says nothing.

The morning drags on. Seishirou does inventory. Subaru contemplates going back upstairs, but a sense of obligation keeps him tethered to his seat. The breakfast has served its purpose.

"Do you...need help?"

Seishirou turns to look at him, clipboard in hand. He smiles slowly.

"Much appreciated."

Subaru is not at all surprised to be saddled with taking care of the animals. Seishirou's current patients consist of three adult dogs, a puppy, and a kitten so small Subaru would have missed it entirely had Seishirou not pointed it out. Subaru feeds and grooms the dogs one by one. They pull his clothes and lick at his face, tails lashing with excitement. One of the dogs has his hind legs in casts but still hobbles around the room when it is its turn out, sniffing at everything. It looks like they hadn't been walked in a while. Subaru throws Seishirou a narrow-eyed look.

The kitten needs to be fed with a dropper. The poor thing spills as much as it eats. Subaru cleans it gently, patting the milk out of its black fur with a wet towel. A cardboard box serves as the kitten's nest. Subaru changes the soiled padding before placing the kitten inside.

"You are doing well."

Subaru almost drops the box, kitten and all. He turns to glare at Seishirou. The man smiles and raises his hands in a placating gesture.

"My apologies, I did not meant to startle you."

Subaru places the box on the table. The kitten has curled up, already asleep. "How old is it?"

"Difficult to say. Under two weeks, certainly." Seishirou walks closer. He comes to stand at Subaru's side, ostensibly so he can see the kitten. The abundance of empty space around the table belies the action as purposeful invasion of space. "It's a stray. The mother was ran over by a car. The driver felt compelled to seek help for her litter."

"There were more of them?"

"Three. One died the very first night. Another passed away yesterday."

Sakurazuka-sensei would have affected sadness. Seishirou's voice is perfectly even. Subaru glances at him, and sees someone familiar. Not the illusion he had met at Ikebukuro station; the man whose cigarette he had lit on a rooftop in Tokyo  a few months ago, nine years in the future.

Seishirou notices the attention. He smiles at Subaru.

"Good work. Let me take you out to lunch, as a thank you."

Subaru protests plenty. He still finds himself in an udon restaurant twenty minutes later. The place is small, the seating area wrapped around the kitchen with almost no space between the stools and the wall behind them. They find two empty spots at the very back. Subaru is pressed between the wall and Seishirou. Businessmen fill the room with voices and cigarette smoke. Subaru's nose wrinkles.

"Are you sensitive to cigarettes?" Seishirou asks. He had ordered for both of them, on the pretense of knowing what is good. Subaru finds it much more likely the man is indulging his own ego.

"I smoke."

"Smoking is not good for the health, Shin-san," Seishirou tuts.

"You-" Subaru cuts himself off. Sakurazuka-sensei doesn't smoke. "You're right."

Seishirou gives him a considering look, but says nothing.

Their orders arrive. The udon is good enough to make up for the claustrophobic atmosphere. Subaru eats, trying to tune out the conversations around him and the noise from the TV mounted above his head.

"Have you always lived in Tokyo, Shin-san?"

Subaru nods. His hold on the chopsticks tightens.

"You must have relatives here, then. Friends."

Subaru hides a smile in his tea. "You don't have to worry, Sensei. No one will be looking for me."

Seishirou's silence carries a bemused note. Subaru carries on eating, feeling somewhat lighter.

Seishirou goes to the front to pay. There is a short line for the cashier; someone is making a ruckus about a mistaken order. Subaru lingers in the back. He will have to find a job, if he is to live in this world for any significant length of time. The lack of personal documents limits his options rather severely.

A sudden burst of music draws Subaru's attention to the TV. The midday news have just started. Subaru watches the top story scroll over the screen in grimy images. It takes him a few seconds to process what he is seeing. He ducks his head and quickly makes for the front. Seishirou is in the process of handing money to the cashier. Subaru stands so he blocks the man's view of the restaurant, then leads the way outside.

They walk in silence for a while. Subaru feels the prickle of cold sweat at the back of his neck. His heartbeat is slow to calm.

"Thank you for lunch," he offers.

"You are very welcome."

Subaru glances at Seishirou. The man looks as he always does - confident. Content. Subaru wonders how much of his attraction to Sakurazuka-sensei had been motivated by envy.

"Do you need help at the clinic?"

The question spills out, half-formed and ungainly. Subaru tries not to fluster. "I don't feel comfortable taking without giving back and I...need a job." Admitting it stings.

Seishirou adopts a considering expression."I am afraid I cannot hire you as an assistant in any capacity. Work at a veterinary clinic requires certain knowledge and skills, not to mention proper certification."

"I understand," Subaru says. Lack of certification certainly hadn't stopped Seishirou dumping his patients on him earlier today.

"However, I would appreciate help with the more basic chores," Seishirou continues. "I could keep you as a housekeeper, if you do not mind the work."

"Not at all."

Seishirou smiles brightly. "Excellent."

They reach the clinic. Seishirou busies himself in the front. Subaru wanders around, familiarizing himself with the space as instructed. He ends up back in the room with the cages. The kitten lets out a shrill mew as soon as he opens the door. Subaru lifts up the box and carries it to the office.

"Sensei-"

The kitten wails again. Seishirou looks up from the documents he is perusing. "Oh, yes. I suppose it's time to feed it again." He stands and reaches for the box.

Subaru takes an instinctive step back, the box clutched close to his chest. Seishirou looks at him. The affected surprise slowly melts from his face, revealing something sharper and by far more honest.

"I would advise you not to get too attached, Shin-san."

The words feel like a threat. Subaru wonders if the kitten's siblings had truly died from sickness. Strays are a convenient target. There is no one to miss them, no one to notice their absence.

_You must have relatives here._

Subaru stifles a laugh. Something loosens in his chest.

"Nursing a kitten this young to health must be troublesome," he says. "Would you let me take over its care?"

Seishirou studies him. His face has gone blank again. "If you wish."

"Thank you very much." Subaru bows before leaving.

Subaru feeds the kitten, then sets to straightening up the room. Seishirou comes in at some point to fetch one of the dogs for a check-up. They work quietly side by side for some time.

A phone rings. Seishirou is busy settling the dog back in its crate. The canine is proving uncooperative, very likely sick of the cramped quarters.

"Would you mind getting that, Shin-san?" Seishirou says. A vein of impatience mars his pleasant tone. "I will be a minute."

The phone is in the office. Subaru picks up just as it rings for the fourth time. He winces at the sharp noise.

"Good afternoon. Sakurazuka Clinic." The greeting comes out stilted.

There is a brief silence. "Who are you?"

Subaru stills.

That voice-

"Hello? I asked you who you are," Hokuto demands. She sounds angry.  

"I... my name is Shin. I work for Sakurazuka-sensei..." Subaru trails off. Seishirou has walked into the room. "I will let you speak with him now. Excuse me."

Subaru bows to no one, a nervous, instinctive action. He hands the receiver to Seishirou. Seishirou watches him as he answers, eyes narrowed.

"It's me."

Hokuto's voice explodes in distorted warbling. Seishirou turns away, focus shifting to their conversation. Subaru makes himself leave the room. His hands are clenched into fists. His breath rattles out, thin and shaky.

There is a small kitchen adjacent to the office. Subaru fills a teakettle with water and sets it on the stove. Several tins of tea sit on a shelf mounted over the sink. He studies each one with undue care.

Seishirou comes in just as the kettle starts to whistle. "Tea?" Subaru asks.

"No, thank you."

Subaru turns the stove off. Seishirou is watching him from the doorway. Subaru straightens. His blood sings with magic. Another melody answers it, deeper and darker.

"That voice," he begins. He has to say something, explain his sudden and obvious panic. "I remember it. From the hospital."

Seishirou's expression doesn't shift. The thrum of magic dissipates.

"I will be taking a two-day leave, starting the day after tomorrow," Seishirou says. "My apologies for the sudden notice."

"Is everything...alright?" Subaru asks.

There is another pause. "A friend passed away. I will be attending his funeral."

"The boy in the bed next to mine," Subaru says. His voice sounds like it's coming from far away, hollowly calm. 

"Yes." Seishirou looks past him. "I believe I will retire for the day, Shin-san."

He turns to go. Subaru watches the man's retreating back. If Seishirou leaves now, someone will die. Subaru can feel it in his bones.

"Wait!"

Subaru grabs Seishirou's elbow. The man pauses mid-step. His muscles are corded tight, straining against the fabric of his suit and Subaru's grip. Subaru wracks his brain for something he can offer as distraction.

"Let's drink," Subaru blurts out.

Seishirou regards him with a blank look. "Pardon?"

"We should drink," Subaru forges on. His face feels hot. "Alcohol."

Seishirou's expression turns considering. He studies Subaru. Subaru reminds himself he is twenty-five, not sixteen, and tries not to fidget.

"Very well, then. Shall we go somewhere, or  would you prefer to stay in?"

"In. Unless you want to go out," Subaru tacks on belatedly. He is still partially in disbelief they are having this conversation.

"I do not mind. There is a liquor store with an acceptable selection nearby. Would you like to accompany me?"

Subaru nods. Seishirou's mouth quirks up briefly.

"I believe I have a spare suit stored upstairs. It might be a little big on you, but it should do."

Subaru frowns. "Why do I need to change?"

"You do not need to. I assumed you might wish to, given that you are a wanted man."

Subaru stills. "At the restaurant - you saw..."

"I have excellent peripheral vision, Shin-san."

"And you still offered me a job."

Seishirou smiles. "You seem like an interesting person."

Subaru stares at the man. He supposes he shouldn't be surprised. "I will wear the suit," he says.

Seishirou seems pleased. Subaru wonders how he had managed to make such a mess of things in less than twenty-four hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traditional Japanese restaurants in Tokyo tend to be tiiiny. There are noodle stands with as little as three seats! 
> 
> 'Sensei' is used for teachers as well as doctors.   
> onigiri = rice ball. The rice and filling varies. My personal favorite is tuna and mayo :D
> 
> Yes, I gave Subaru a kitty. He needs one, okay?
> 
> I hope you are enjoying the story~ :)


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